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Leslie_574
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Name: Leslie
Birthday: 8/2/1985
Gender: Female
Interests: my interests are making people bleed... haha or not.. i really love music.. thats my most time consuming activity whether it be listening, playing or watching..
my friends are my everything...
Expertise: i sell stuff...
oh and i am really good at looking hot! sizzle sizzle!!
Message: message me
AIM:  vegheadvalkyrie
Member Since:
10/24/2002
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| its happening... so soon that i have an apartment and everything... so cant back out now... wish me luck. | | |
| well it seems like it takes me longer and longer to update. i have had this thing since 2k2... but its been so long since i have written anything i think xanga just kind of faded... BUT i still need to poor my heart out to someone and this computer screens the only thing available. It seems like so much and so little have happened to me here in nebraska... I have changed into a completely different person than i was in Indiana but everyday i yern to be who i was before. I am now realizing that i cant go back to the old me. Thats the old me and this is who i am. Its finally sinking in. I tell myself regrets are for suckers and i always look on the bright side. Never take back anything that has ever happen to you. Everything you do and see makes you who you are. Why regret when you can learn? Instead of hating my mom for kicking the shit out of me i learned how not to be. She taught me something very important. Can you hate someone who teaches you what you need to know to be who you are? I dont know know i guess i realize that i have made some really stupid choices... I cant do anything about it now but i know next time what not to do... sometimes i just chose not to do what is right. oh well ... live goes on blah blah blah i am doing something soon that will be life changing... People dont really believe that i am going to go through with it because of all the talk and preparation i did last time and then didnt do it. I of course dont regret not going. I mean i often think how things would have been different but i dont regret that i stayed. I had an amazing life changing connection with someone who i will never forget. It just wasnt perfect. I am chasing a dream that probably cant be obtained but you know... at least i will try and hopefully someday i will find everything i am looking for and hey it might not be perfect but ill still know it when i truely feel satisfied with my life. This time its for real... i am actually going through with it... i am just glad i have support. i will miss it here ... i have met some amazing people but i cant wait to get my new life on track... its only just begun... | | |
| So i forgot to rant about the 2nd thing...
I dont think that anybody close to me really knows me. I am nothing that you think i am. I am just average. I am not spontaneous nor am i adventurous. I dont know what is expected of me anymore. I have hurt you and i dont know what to do about it. Then again i feel like i made the right choice. Whats best for me? Is that what is truely important? I am old fashioned. I want to be swept off my feet and i have been. It wasnt you. I wish that it was. It would have made things a lot easier. I didnt expect this to happen. I had every intention of going with the plan. The more i thought about it the more i wanted to reconsider. I didnt have much time to think before the big descion. All i knew was that i was about to do something that might not be for the best. I wanted you to be my best friend. I wanted you to understand. I am not good with words like you are.
Remember our conversation about selfishness. How we both do things that will be the best for ourselves despite others feelings. I havent changed. I am still selfish. I still only worry about myself. Taking chances have never been a strong suit of mine. I wish i could change that. I wish i could take it all back. I wish that i didnt play games. I hate girls that are game players yet i am no different. I am a 21 year old child. I need to grow up and i need to learn how to deal with my problems rather than just forgetting about them and putting them off. I hate myself for that.
I never thought that i would be someone who would hurt you. I am nothing compared to what you used to have. You would have been let down. You would have broken my heart even if you say you wouldnt have.
We both have changed with our moves. You for the better and me for the worse. I am so sorry. Sometimes it makes my stomach hurt for days. There is nothing i can do to change this. I went beyond the point of redemption. I cant do anything about it now. You are the person that usually helps me through times like these. I never thought i wouldnt be about to talk to you about this. I think that kills me more than anything.
I just hope that you will forgive me. I hope that you find what you are looking for. Someone amazing. Its what you deserve.
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| Two things. Thanks to all the people who read my xanga and then tell my family what i put in here. I have nothing to hide. So go tell the world.. But its really awesome to know that people cant just live without getting shit for it. mind your own business | | |
| sometimes i wonder if i hear things differently then everybody else... Its obvious that you are but then you tell me you arent... so i dont really understand.. because i am ok with it if you are but just tell me so i dont presume things that shouldnt be presumed...
understand.? | | |
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